 ‘Whatever a person frequently thinks and reflects on, that will become the inclination of their mind.’ Buddha
‘Speak and act from unwise thoughts, and sorrow will follow you as surely as the wheel follows the ox who draws the cart. Speak and act from wise thoughts and happiness will follow you as closely as your shadow, unshakable.’ The Dhammapada
Unskillful patterns of thought are not innate to our human condition. The Dalai Lama emphasizes this point: ‘Greed, anger, hatred, worry are not an integral part of our mind which cannot be changed. As children we are born ignorant; this is natural. But this ignorance can be dispelled by education and learning. In the same way, we can mentally isolate unskillful states and reduce them. Then, when happiness arises, the unskillful states have no valid foundation.’
A liberating shift into well-being
In High Tide in Tucson, novelist Barbara Kingsolver talks about how this transformation is possible, even when our old life is in ruins:
Every one of us is called upon, probably many times, to start a new life. A frightening diagnosis, a marriage, a move, loss of a job or a limb or a loved one, a graduation, bringing a new baby home: it’s impossible to think at first how this all will be possible. Eventually, what moves it all forward is the subterranean ebb and flow of being alive among the living.
In my own worst seasons I’ve come back from the colourless world of despair by forcing myself to look hard, for a long time, at a single glorious thing: a flame of red geranium outside my bedroom window. And then another: my daughter in a yellow dress. And another: the perfect outline of a full, dark sphere behind the crescent moon. Until I learned to be in love with my life again. Like a stroke victim retraining new parts of the brain to grasp lost skills, I have taught myself joy, over and over again.
This is a liberating discovery, that we can shift from our unhealthy stories to well-being. Today, in our work and driving, in talking and shopping, in moving our body and taking care, we can choose which sound track to play. Will it be a broken record from the past, bringing bitterness or sorrow? Or will we release those thoughts and allow life’s wonder and possibility? By transforming the landscape of our thoughts, we can revolutionize our entire world.
Practice: the compassionate replacement of painful thoughts
If you are a person who has regular, repeated destructive thoughts, thoughts of self-judgement, criticism, shame, or unworthiness, work with this training for a week or, even better, for a month.
First, become more carefully aware of the content and rhythm of the voices inside. What are their regular, unhealthy remarks and devastating comments? What do they sound like? What do they feel like? Begin to study how much pain they cause you. Feel how they take you over and how they hurt. When do they come out most strongly, day or night? What situations provoke them? Social occasions, family time, partners, competitive situations, work or leisure? Do they criticize your body, your mind, your actions, your whole being?
Notice the particular phrases and destructive, unhealthy perspective, the judgement, the shame, the self-denigration they engender.
Now, create a true antidote, a phrase or two or three, that completely transforms the falsehood of these unhealthy thoughts. Let the phrases be the healthiest words you can find, even if you don’t believe them at first. They can be as simple as ‘Life is precious’ or ‘I will use this day well.’ Or they can express the healthy opposite of thoughts of shame: ‘I will live with nobility and dignity.’ Or the opposite of anxiety: ‘I will live with my life with trust.’ If helpful, they can be based on the phrases from loving-kindness practice:
May I love myself just as I am.
May I sense my worthiness and well-being.
May I trust this world.
May I hold myself in compassion.
May I meet the suffering and ignorance of others with compassion.
Now begin to work for a week with the phrases you have chosen. Particularly pay attention to those situations that trigger painful patterns. Every time you notice the destructive, unhealthy thoughts, even if they have been playing for a while, pause and feel the pain in them. Take a breath; hold your pain with kindness. Then inwardly recite your phrases, firmly, deliberately. Do this over and over. It does not matter if they sound false, if you don’t quite believe them. Say them anyway, out of compassion, as an antidote to your suffering. You may need to say them a thousand times before your realize they are working. And they will.
From The Wise Heart © 2008 by Jack Kornfield, published by Rider Books.
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