The following extract is taken from Judy Hall's novel, Torn Clouds. The heroine, Megan McKennar, is expecting her first child. Having discovered a past-life allegiance to the goddess Sekhmet, she goes on a tour of the spiritual sites of Ancient Egypt, hoping to connect with more past-life memories. The tour guide, Anne, takes Megan and her fellow tourists into the crypts of the Temple of Horus at Edfu, where they perform an ancient rebirth ritual.
‘Speaking of rebirth,’ Anne glanced pointedly at her watch, ‘Josef's arranged for us to go down into the crypts. We can do an ancient rebirth ritual there. We're going to leave our bodies and journey through the underworld. As we pass through the gates we'll leave pieces of ourselves behind that we've outgrown and which no longer serve us until at last we come stripped and naked to the core of ourselves. Finally, we'll be reborn.’ She waved us forward.
I wasn't sure I was ready. The temple was so gloomy. There was no light coming down from the heavy stone roof. I knew it was blazing sunlight outside, but in there it was hard to see. It felt creepy. I hadn't liked the look of the entrance in the floor, a small black hole, and it had sounded really doomful when the guardian pulled up the stone slab, definitely a horror movie set. To distract myself, I wondered how many people had walked over the entrance without realizing what was below. But it didn't work. Those stairs were terribly narrow and the bottom was pitch black. Claustrophobia was crawling up my spine already. Josef said there were several crypts that we could explore but we'd have to bend low. It didn't sound like my sort of thing.
Still, as I'd gone that far I might as well give it a go, but I made sure I was last in case I wanted to bail out. Yes, as I'd thought, the stairs were narrow and I couldn't see my feet in the dark, but the steps felt worn and chipped so it was easy to slip. Once I got to the bottom I decided that was far enough; I'd stay right there.
I hadn't realized Josef would close the entrance slab, though. Pitch-black didn't describe it. It was blackness congealed. If I put my hand out the air resisted. I couldn't push against it. It wasn't an absence of light; there was something eating the light. And it was so cold, my backbone was shivering. How could initiates have spent twenty-four hours there in the dark, alone? There were ten people close by but the few seconds since the torch went out had given me the heebie-jeebies. I couldn't breathe, black air was pressing on me, and the walls were closing in. I could hear the stones grinding together as they moved closer and sense the skittering of scorpions, smell the musk of sharp-toothed rodents, and the decay of the tomb.
Silently I urged Anne to hurry or I'd have to leave. There were demons and unspeakable things of the night crowding in, horned beings and serpents crawling near. I knew there was a huge black hooded cobra waiting to strike, and a strange triple-headed beast swallowing the light. I bet those old priests conjured them up and forgot to banish them again. They'd attack at any moment; they didn't know how many thousands of years had past. Get a grip, Mecky, I told myself. You know how to fight them. It's all a matter of mind. Of course, I'd done this before. It was an illusion. If I stood firm, I could send them back where they belonged. My Lady [Sekhmet] would protect me.
‘Be gone foul beasts and creatures of the depths of night. Return to him that sent you. Be gone great snake that waits to strike. Resist me not. Return to your lair. Be gone triple headed demons of Set. Return to the far reaches of the desert to him who made you. Be gone in the name of light. Walls stand firm. Hold your place. Protect those who come in light. Protect us.’
I didn't know where that had come from, but I could get comfortable now. Might as well lie back. The bottom step made a handy stone pillow, and it was really warm, suffocatingly hot in fact, but it was best not to dwell on that.
‘Allow your ka, the etheric self, to stand up, to leave the physical body behind. Before setting off, hear the invocation:
My cavern is opened. The spirits fall within the darkness. The Eye of Horus makes me holy. Wepwawet has caressed me. O Imperishable Stars, hide me among you. May the immortal ones protect me.’
I could see again, a bit shadowy, rather like looking through night glasses, but clear enough. A misty halo surrounded each person, some blending together, others more sharply defined.
‘You appear before the Interrogator who asks: Who are you who comes?’
You reply: I am an initiate.
Is your motive pure?
It is pure.
Is your mind clear?
It is clear.
Is your heart open?
It is open.
Are you whole?
I am whole.
Are you equipped?
I am equipped.
Are you ready to become Adept?
I am ready.
Are you ready to be reborn?
So be it.
Go forth.
As you approach the first gate, strip off your clothes and leave them before the gate, putting off the outward appearance you showed to the world.’
Mmm, must have left mine behind with my body. I could see right through myself.
‘Hold your head high, take your courage in both hands and step past the guardians of the gate.’
That wasn't so bad. Three animal-headed beings. Serpent-head hissed a bit but the hare and the dog were quiet. I thought they'd be much more fierce than that.
‘As you approach the second gate lay before it your inner appearance, the picture you have of yourself.’ The lion-headed being was rather fierce but a look cowed him. The man and the dog stood well back. What was next? ‘As you approach the third gate, lay before it your personality.’
I was beginning to feel a bit bare by now. Hardly noticed the jackal-headed being until he took a swipe at me. Once again, the dog and the serpent stood back; it seemed as if, although there were always three, only one had a go at a time.
‘As you approach the fourth gate, step out of your ego, the constricting small-self.’
That felt good. The man, the hawk, and the lion-headed beings nodded in approval.
‘As you approach the fifth gate, leave your past behind you. Let your programming fall away, your patterns dissolve.’
That was better, much lighter. I could see them spiralling away into the darkness, shattering into interstellar dust.
‘As you approach the sixth gate, lay before it your hopes and wishes for the future.’ That was a hard one. What about my child – and my health, and seeing Ramon again. The hawk was looking intently at me. The serpent was ready to strike. Only the man-being nodded encouragingly. Better to do as she said. ‘At the seventh gate, lay before it your family, your parents, your partner, your children.’
How could I leave Ramon behind? Such anguish. And my child. To see my baby lying there was breaking my heart. What if those jackal-headed beings ate him? No, this was too much. I couldn't do it. I'd already let my sister go, and I had no one else in the world. But trying to snatch my baby up again, my hands passed through his body. I had to leave him. Come on, onward and upward, I told myself, though the path moved steeply down.
‘As you approach the eighth gate, bring to mind all the names you have been known by. Lay them before the gate. Step through with no name.’
It was strange to have no name, no identity. Now I really felt stripped, as though I no longer existed. That dragon-like creature soon had them consumed with its breath.
‘As you reach the ninth gate, lay before it your etheric self. Fly forth in your ba, the soul bird.’
That was brilliant, flying free. I could travel more quickly now, anxious to get out. Surely I must be nearly there.
‘And at the tenth gate, leave your akhar, your soul essence.’
Strange, but I didn't seem to have that with me.
‘At the eleventh gate lay your I, your sense of individuality, of self.’
My I? What would be left? What would I be if I wasn't an I? Oh, what was that?
In a chamber of flames, Sekhmet, The Terrible One, The Lady of the Bloodbath stood watching, her stance implacable, with the totally absorbed, unhurried stare of a lion surveying her prey. Her eyes reflected the flickering flames. This was her in destroyer mode. And yet she looked almost playful.
No, no, no. Surely not that.
Turning, she ripped me to pieces, pulling off arms and legs, separating the torso, tossing the head aside, tearing out the heart, eating lungs and stomach, unwinding intestines, taking my life. Flames shot around her. She was the Wrath of Ra. No, my Lady, no. Small, sharp toothed rodents slobbered over my entrails, triple-headed beasts crunched my bones. I was consumed by flame. I descended into night, looked on my dismemberment, saw my death. There was nothing left. I was extinguished. The great heartbeat of time paused. Terror fissioned into understanding. Pure spirit, all that Is. Such peace, blissful, bathed in light. In all things, of all things, no separation now.
Light eternal.
Spirit unceasing.
No time passes in eternity.
‘And then step through the final gate, into the twelfth level of the Duat to meet Anubis.’
A black jackal head, with fearsome fangs, holding a feather, the feather of Maat.
My heart was being weighed against the feather of Maat, Divine Justice. It balanced perfectly. The Devourer of Souls slunk away; there was no task for him today. ‘Enter into the presence of the Lord Osiris. Lay an offering before him. Petition for a good rebirth.’ A great green god, sprouting corn from every orifice. I didn't want rebirth. I wanted to stay there forever. But no, I was being moulded, shaped like clay. I was on Ptah's wheel and he was breathing me back to life. Quickly, I checked the spleen and the blood. It looked good. And the child? A shining being, one of the bright ones.
‘Go forth with blessings, my child,’ spoke the Lord Osiris as he sent me on my way. Power poured into me. The portal burst open. I was reborn into sunlight.
‘To me belongs everything, and the whole of it has been given to me. I went in as a falcon. I came out as a phoenix; the Morning Star has made a path for me, and I enter in peace into the beautiful East. I have been in the Garden of Osiris, and a path is made for me so that I may go in and worship Osiris, the Lord of Life.’
Amen to that.
From Torn Clouds, text copyright Judy Hall 2005, published by O Books.
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Inspirational features 
