One of the most crucial areas to investigate on the path of self-discovery is what it is you really want. When you come to the recognition that all of the avenues you have tried in your search for fulfilment have not truly satisfied you, this question naturally arises: ‘Well, then, what is it I really want? If all the avenues I have tried in the search for happiness have not satisfied me, then what is it I finally, truly want when all is said and done?’
Privileged lives
Most of us in the West lead extraordinarily privileged lives. Most of us do not have to worry about where we will get our next meal, or if we will have a place to sleep tonight. Most of us are not in imminent danger, and neither are our families. We find ourselves in a precious lifetime where we can set aside our mental habits and strategies of protection and reflect on what is present when the mind is not busy being protective. In this moment we can stop worrying about the future.
Obviously everyone, even the most privileged, experiences some degree of suffering. But if you look out over the planet, you will see billions of human beings who are undergoing enormous suffering and who are almost totally bound by it. In contrast, the privilege of our lives is that we have the time, space and opportunity to question the most basic assumptions of human life. We are free to examine our lives and to ask the deepest questions: What is this life about? What is it being used for? How is my time spent? Where is my attention? Is my life meaningful? Am I happy? What is the longing of my heart and soul? Is it a longing for truth and freedom? We have an opportunity in most of our lives to fully consider the most profound unanswered questions.
A doorway to freedom
In my experience of speaking with people I have found that the discovery of what one truly wants can be a doorway to realizing true freedom. There may be an immediate response to that inquiry, such as, ‘What I really want is a better life,’ or ‘What I really want is to be happy all the time,’ or ‘What I really want is the right mate.’ Whatever answer immediately arises, it is very useful to then ask, ‘What will that give me?’ If you have the perfect soul mate, what will that give you? If you have a happy life, what will that give you?
If the answer is, ‘Then I will be at peace, then I can rest,’ the truth is that this is possible now, in this moment. Peace and rest have nothing to do with a mate. The peace, rest and fulfilment you have been searching for outside, however exalted or sublime, are actually here now. If in this moment you can simply discard your outward reference points for what will give you peace, you might recognize that peace is already here regardless of any internal or external circumstances. In this recognition you can investigate more deeply to see if there is any separation between the peace that is always present and who you are. What is the boundary between who you truly are and peace?
What emerges in a perfect moment of realization is what has always been present, and this usually gives rise to a great laugh. What you have been searching for desperately, furiously, relentlessly, and with great frustration has always been present exactly where you are! It is present now, in you, and it can be revealed to you now as your own self.
Asking the question
What do you really want? I invite you to take the time right now to answer this question. Ask yourself repeatedly and directly, What do I really want? Let the answers flow freely, rising up effortlessly from the unconscious without censorship. There are no right answers. Consider these questions a game, a game that can expose whatever beliefs and concepts are still buried in your subconscious.
As you inquire within, let whatever sensations, emotions, and insights that arise wash through you. If you have discovered that what you finally want is peace, happiness, love, or enlightenment, now is the opportunity to see where you have been searching for them. You can investigate even further by asking: Where have I looked for what I want? What activities have I pursued to get what I want? Where do I imagine I will finally find it? What do I imagine obstructs me from it right now?
Unconditional peace
Are peace, happiness, love and fulfilment conditional on some outside circumstance, or are they already alive within you? In this moment, be willing to tell the truth, which may at first be the relative, most apparent truth. For instance, your truth in this moment may be what you believe is necessary for your happiness. If your loved one is ill, you may be certain that you want only for him or her to get well, and then you could experience happiness. This relative truth can open the way to telling a deeper truth that reveals the paradoxical, causeless nature of true happiness, present now, whatever the circumstances. Tell the truth fully, whatever the cost, whatever the risk, whatever the consequences.
From The Diamond in Your Pocket, © 2005 by Gangaji, original edition published by Sounds True; this edition published by Cygnus Books, exclusively for Cygnus members.
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